I realized I was broken… and praying and black girl magic alone wasn’t going to save me…I needed therapy…
I purchased this shirt a year ago from @hashtagfostercare. I’ve thrown it on a couple times only to take it back off because the timing to wear the shirt just never seemed right. You know how we buy that good dress, or shoes always waiting for the perfect event to wear it to. Well, that was me and my “I’m In Therapy” tee. When I wore it, I wanted to make a statement.
Growing up, the word “Church” and “Therapy” were never synonymous. There always seemed to be this unspoken taboo about being a Christian and going to therapy. Not to mention, I’m a brown girl, so growing up I heard things like Black people don’t go to therapy that’s a white people thing, or they’re not crazy they just need God, all that mess they’re doing is what’s making them crazy. I grew up in a very religious household, I’m a preachers daughter to be exact, so I myself believed that there would never be a reason why I would need a therapist. I had a list of all of the right scriptures to help me through anything, and I do mean ANYTHING that I would encounter in life. Plus, I’m not “crazy”, in my mind therapy was for those people you see walking down the street talking to themselves.
So the first time I found myself sitting across the room glaring at a therapist, at my mandatory court-ordered appointment, I was pissed. First of all, I had done nothing to deserve to be there, I was the victim, why am I being punished I thought! I remember thinking to myself, this is not for me, and she, the therapist was not about to try to make me feel as though something in my childhood had led me to her chair. Because somewhere I don’t remember where, but I’d heard or may be seen in a movie that therapist always start with your childhood and that’s when the client would start crying and rehashing all of these horrible things that had happened to them as a child. So one of the first things out of my mouth was, I’m good love, my childhood was fine. Honestly, I went to my first few appointments only because I had to and I refused to talk. So we’d sit in those appointments for 60 minutes just staring at each other, and when that timer went off, I’d casually look back over my shoulder and say, see you next week and out the door, I’d go.
But the problem was, I was really broken on the inside, but because I had confused my spiritual health, mental health, and my pride as a brown girl you know BLACK GIRL MAGIC, I was unable to take advantage of the help that I needed that was right in front of me. It wasn’t until I educated myself on what mental health really meant that I was able to explore the possibilities of having positive interactions with my therapist.
Educating myself about mental health and therapy also helped me to remove all of the taboos surrounding my spirituality, and being a strong black woman. I realized that I could be a good Christian, read my bible, teach Bible classes, have an amazing relationship with God, and still attend therapy. That my blackness or strength as a black woman didn’t have any less of an impact because I had a therapist.
My therapy appointments are no longer court-ordered, I freely go now. I understand that it’s my responsibility to take care of me, and that’s from the inside out. When I threw on my “I’m in Therapy” tee the other day, it wasn’t a special occasion, I actually felt downright crappy. I was overly emotional, I felt drained from work and all of the other million responsibilities that I have. So when I looked up on the shelf and saw my tee, I knew that that right day, right moment that I had been waiting for had come. I felt empowered to wear my feelings. I’m In Therapy, I wear it like a badge of honor, I’m working on me, I’m working to free me, I’m working to see me, I’m working to be the best version of me that I can be. Let’s normalize therapy.
XOXO,
Gigi
Click on the Picture to Purchase Your I’m in Therapy T-Shirt
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