I remember turning to Phil one evening after we had finished one of our pre-marital counseling sessions, and saying, “Look, I’m not ’bout to be cooking everyday. I work and you work. So I don’t think it’s fair for you to think that you just gonna expect me to walk in the house after a long day and cook. Absolutely not!” I’m pretty sure with a roll of my neck and eyes, I went on to explain to him, how I was a new-aged woman and all of that old school yadda-ya, THAT wasn’t going to work for me. Not to mention cooking is NOT my forte. Its not that I can’t cook, it’s just never really been my “thing”.
Growing up I watched from under a table or perched from the sofa reading a book or writing a story, as my mom and older sisters curated some of the most delicious mouth watering southern cuisine in South Georgia with Caribbean flair. If cooking was a love language my mom would be the poster child. So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when three days into being married, my sisters and mom began calling me every evening during my commute home from work, all with the same question, “what are you making for dinner tonight?”
I promise you… they must’ve had a mini pow-wow and each picked a day to make the call. Hmmm… or perhaps it was a coincidence (although something tells me it wasn’t lol!), but I digress. One of my sisters even started texting me full meal ideas with the cost it would take to purchase all of the ingredients! One evening as I drove home from work chatting it up with one of my sisters she stated matter of factually, ” Girl you know you control whether or not ya’ll are gonna be fat, get diabetes, or have high-blood pressure so you better get it together, because you also have to take care of ya’ll if you get sick. Now we all know family genetics play a major role in potential health issues, but so does diet, so I couldn’t help but feel like she had a point. But was I still moved to play the ultimate homemaker and chef after working ten hour days….absolutely NOT.
A few weekends ago while attending the Texas Women’s Empowerment Conference, James one of the tech support guys who had become fast friends with Phil, pulled me to the side and asked if he could give me some very important marriage advice that he’d also given to Phil. And it went a little something like this, always always keep God first, pray together, study the word together, and KEEP God first. Followed by a simple question, “What are your expectations of Phillip when you get home from work?” I fumbled that question like a quarterback having a bad day! I mean I just knew I was fully prepared for marriage, our pre-marital counseling had been very thorough! So why couldn’t I readily answer this question? He patted me on my shoulder and said, ” now you two have a place to start. But always remember that if you don’t know what his expectations are of you and he doesn’t know what your expectations are of him, then neither of you can get upset when you don’t live up to those phantom expectations that neither of you know the other has in their head.” Long term and overall expectations are not the same as day to day expectations. So the same way we set long term and short term goals, and then 3-5 year goals, the same is applicable when defining expectations in a marriage. We’re learning.
So as I sat in my office Monday morning with that conversation playing over and over in my head, along with knowing that around 5:30 pm my mom or sisters would be calling to ask, “what’s for dinner.” I realized that as Phil’s fiance I had dictated to him what his expectations should definitely NOT be of me when I came home from work, but as Phil’s wife, I had never asked him what his expectations were of me when I came home from work. I can no longer think solely for Veronica anymore, it’s now a what’s best for Phil and Veronica. It’s funny how quickly marriage changes the way you process life. I find myself being even more intentional with my actions and thoughts. I was also reminded that everything you do in life is about how you look at it aka put it into perspective.
So for the rest of the week instead of looking at cooking as a chore, I viewed it as a gift to my husband. As a way to show him love and appreciation every single day this week. And as I drove home from work I was excited, anticipating the special meal that I would make for dinner. The look on his face when I bring him his food, plated like he’s at a 5 star restaurant makes me smile. This week I was reminded that… Marriage is….putting someone else’s expectations before your own…and making the best of it!
Checkout a few of these 30 minute dinners I made for the Hus(Bae) this week. Cooked with love by yours truly! XoXo…. Gigi
Ps: Feel free to improvise and add your own twist when it comes to seasoning these dishes as I did.
Pretty Is A Lifestyle 